I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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