Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
