first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize