Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
