Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
