he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My ATM looks so different sober.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
