I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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