Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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