Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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