Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Can you repeat that, but with context?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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