Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
