Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
