Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
