my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
