So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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