apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I would ride that face into the sunset
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
