Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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