I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
