guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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