tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
