God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
