A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
