Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
