gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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