it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
