I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
