he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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