the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
