New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
