the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
