I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
