i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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