so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
