Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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