If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
