im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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