oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
