I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
