Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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