god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
