this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
