I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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