Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
