Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
