You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
