Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
