So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
