We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
