I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
