I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
